The Return of Double-T

Many of you (well, all of you, actually) know of my much-anticipated departure from EDS in April 2004. Within days, my level of stress had disappeared; I mean entirely. I was meeting new people, girls. I was resetting roots with old friends. Things were turning around.

With the exception of a few people (maybe two or three), I’ve intentionally tried to keep out of contact with anyone at EDS, because, well, I severely disliked them. (And no, severely disliking or resenting people is not a normal phenomenon for me!) Imagine, then, my surprise when I’d received a voicemail message, at my current company, from my old pal “Tina Tina”.

As a recap, “Tina Tina” (or Double-T) brought the following amusements to me at EDS:

1. He argued with his wife on the phone for about 6 hours a day. Come to think of it, he was in the office about 6 hours per day.
2. He took 2-3 days “off”, due to this or that tragedy in his life, each week.
3. He was never fired or reprimanded for his actions, or specifically for his unwillingness to act properly in the workplace.
4. He didn’t actually do any work for EDS in the 16 months of time that we worked together. This was a brilliant plan on his part, now that I think about it, except for the fact that I was forced to consistently work 7-day weeks over a 16-month period.
5. Without apology, he wore a variety of Members Only jackets to work.
6. Being in the cubicle across from him, I was aware that the bullets would probably hit me first.

So, about his voicemail. In typical Double-T fashion, the voicemail was delivered in hushed words:

Nate, this is Tina Tina. Hi. How’s everything going? I have a very sensitive and confidential matter to discuss with you. mutter. mutter. whisper. whisper.

This, in an of itself was an act of insult as far as I was concerned, because I am partially deaf due to my part-time career as a musician. He continued:

So, I’m looking for this job at your new company. I think that it’d be a slam dunk for me, a perfect fit. mutter. mutter. whisper. whisper.

Oh, good lord. I decided that since I was leaving for a “family event” in San Francisco in a few hours, I would not reply to “Tina Tina” at this time. But his ability to find me at my new company, seeing that I’d specifically not given my new number to anyone, was profound to say the least.

And I needed time to think about my reply to him about, well, not wanting to give him a reference for a job here. I mean, one on hand, I’m a believer in not being a douche. If the weight of the world and my career path ever rested on the shoulders of “Tina Tina”, I’d probably regret having screwed him over. On the other hand, referring characters like “Tina Tina” to a company where you’re trying to build a reputation is a dangerous proposition. What if they act foolishly during an interview, and it gets around that you’d referred them? What if they stick to you like glue, riding you for intelligence about where your employer stands with hiring them? What if they get hired, after all of this? I was conflicted, no question. I needed a few days to think.

On my return, I had two more messages from “Tina Tina” on my voicemail at work, and three messages from him on my voicemail at home. On my voicemail at home? What?! Suddenly, the sanctity of my country castle had been violated, breached. It was like hell opened its gates, and I was being bombarded with the likes of Willy Loman every hour of the day.

I was still undecided about what to do. I consulted with a few pals of mine. I reiterated the existence of “Tina Tina” and my relation to him at EDS, and both of them echoed my current line of though, which was: “fuck that, dude. You’re asking for trouble.” So, I said it to myself a few times, even close enough to click my heels together in unison:

Fuck that, dude. You’re asking for trouble.
Fuck that, dude. You’re asking for trouble.
Fuck that, dude. You’re asking for trouble.

Done. I crafted a message to “Tina Tina”, in the most diplomatic way I could muster, and sent it to his email account:

Hi Tina Tina,

Thanks for your contact over the past week. It was a surprise to hear
from you! In any case, I apologize for my lack of response. I’d
headed out to San Francisco for a family event last week, and am
catching up with work this week — as I’m way behind.

That said, I’ve thought about your query a bit, and I’m afraid that I
don’t feel comfortable with you using me as a reference. I am just not
familiar with your work habits, and thus am not certain with how best I
could refer you. I truly apologize that I can’t help out. I’d wanted
to avoid a situation where I’d set expectations with you for a
follow-through, without having been able to provide one.

Now, to find a kevlar vest. I think that they have one on Ebay.