To Serve and Protect (after the beep)

My girlfriend and I were driving in the car this past Saturday afternoon. The weather was shitty, of course (this fall has been miserable weather-wise in New England), so traffic was “lurchy”. By the time we were about 10 minutes outside of Boston, traffic on Route 93 South had stopped moving completely. Usually, when this happens, it’s blocked all the way into the city. This would’ve been a bummer, of course, had it been blocked all that way, since she’d had lots of studying to do.

Lucky for us, the traffic jam on Route 93 South was caused by debris covering the two center lanes which meant that it didn’t last for more than a mile or so. Near as I could tell, something large and plastic — maybe a child’s playhouse or a furniture set — had fallen off a truck, broken into large pieces, and scattered itself over the two center lanes of 93. I’m not sure when this happened, but clearly no state police or highway vehicles were clearing up the debris or directing traffic.

“Do you think you should call the state police?”, she asked.

“I was just wondering that.”, I explained. “Do you think I should call 9-1-1 for this?”

“No, you probably shouldn’t”, she agreed.

Roadway debris, while an action-packed event in its own right, doesn’t hold the same level of criticality as a road rage incident or carjacking, I surmised. So I dialed 4-1-1 to get the non-emergency number of the Massachusetts State Police.

I waited a few moments for an operator to assist, and she patched me through to the Massachusetts State Police, or should I say, to the voicemail of the Massachusetts State Police. But instead of leaving voicemail for the Massachusetts State Police, the message informed me that I could not leave voicemail at this extension — but could be connected to an attendant if I pressed “0″ at the beep. I pressed “0″. 25 rings later, I gave up, debris in roadway be damned.

Clearing debris from a highway?

Priceless.

Calling 9-1-1?

Free.

Dialing 4-1-1 to fulfill some kind of civic duty?

$1.50.