kl and I started watching “24″ while I was recovering from surgery back in January. You see, it all started out great: terrorists, missing gas cannisters, a conspiracy. Neat! Once kl realized the powers of Tivo, we started to record each episode and watch it at our leisure.
In retrospect, putting “24″ on Tivo and not rushing home for it was a superb idea. Why? Because every last second of “24″ sucks. Alright, so I understand plot and conflict and throwing in a couple of twists, but when you look at master works like “North by Northwest”, you know that paying careful attention to its storyline will lead you to a conclusion. Not so with “24″! “24″ has the undeniably awful habit of pulling its plot out of the air. How dare I slam such “riveting” television drama like “24″? It’s easy when you consider the following:
Wonder what happened to those gas cannisters? It was a conspiracy, and the president didn’t know.
Fine, so following the plot, it would seem like terrorists were to blame for the missing gas cannisters. So, six wasted hours later, the viewers learn that:
The president did know about the gas cannisters and that he’d murdered the previous president to ensure oil supplies for all Americans.
*Rolling eyes.*
This is not to say that I haven’t been paying close attention here. Simply, a casual viewing of “24″ should lead anybody to conclude that the show’s writers are making things up as they go along. I can picture a writer’s meeting for “24″ now:
Writer 1: Okay, so we tied the terrorists to the gas cannisters and Jack has saved Los Angeles by thwarting a terror attack. Problem? We only have enough material for 11 episodes, and we need material for 22 episodes.
Writer 2: So? Why not have the president be a conspirator?
Writer 1: How would that work? We already outed his chief of staff a few episodes ago.
Writer 2: I doubt anyone would even notice.
Writer 1: Whaaaat?!
Writer 2: If 400-pounders, mousey guys, and Chinamen can attain superstardom by performing their renditions of “Tears of a Clown” to a national audience, do you really think they’d notice if the president pulled a 50-foot garden hose out of his ass while engaged in a monologue about “oil supply” and “patriotism”?
Apparently, kl and I are suckers for this kind of divestment (of time and energy). So, each week, we watch 5-10 minutes of an episode on Tivo. We catch the “last week on 24″ introduction and the first couple minutes of the show. Then kl jumps on the “fast-forward” button and narrates:
“Okay, so Jack is chasing after someone, and there’s an explosion. The president is chatting with someone on his cell phone. He looks kind of maniacal. Jack is chasing the president. There are terrorists chasing the both of them. Oh, a commerical! I want to see that movie. Now, scenes from next week!”
I managed to avoid every last second of the first season of “American Idol”, but I wasted 5 months of my life on the second season — while I wrote a book with “Idol” in the background. I heard all of the hype about the first season of “24″ but avoided it completely. A bout of scrotal pain sucked me into the third season.
At least Fox understands its audience.
